monmothra:

the perfect tweet

monmothra:

the perfect tweet

Drake wouldn’t treat me like this
me nd my cougar gf
me: babe i love your necklace
gf: thats me Life Alert®

jaclcfrost:

the spell can only be broken by true love’s high-five

talonflarne:

if i have a daughter im going to name her lizard and then she’ll get the nickname liz and everyone will be like “oh is it short for elizabeth?” and she will have to say “no my name is lizard”

#team aight lookin

poopflow:

people who dry swallow pills go hard as hell and should not be fucked with

superbmarksman:

i always end up thinking about the economic damage in superhero movies

Anonymous: mashed potatoes are gross

snorlaxatives:

i’ve never felt more disrespected in my entire life than by this message

none gf with left feel